sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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