fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize