had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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