I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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