This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize