you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
