I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
