he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
