i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
