Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
