ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
