She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
