Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
