I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize