Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
A+ Viking dick
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