Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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