I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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