Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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