Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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