I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
