Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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