chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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