wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
