you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
