Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
