i was born a porn star she said
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I made him laugh his dick is mine
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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