On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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