she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
