If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
