The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
