Dude my mom stole all your condoms
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My ass is underappreciated
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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