my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
