I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
