Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
