Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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