No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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