I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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