Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Is it penis luge time yet?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
