I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
this is an emotional support booty call
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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