when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
