oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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