Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
