I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
