Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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