I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
