JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
