There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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