i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i need some magic done to my vagina
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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