My brain says no but my pants say off.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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