I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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