Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
