I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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