whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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