I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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