we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
