she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
soo... how was my night?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
