please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
