we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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