If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
