I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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