Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
