just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
did you just send me my own nude
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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