Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
