Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
