I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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