dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She even gives head with a lisp.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
