I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
