You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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