Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
