I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
