everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
