so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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