so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
