the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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