Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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