don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
