I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
