I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
