Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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