p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
