kristin has been a bad kristin
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
