Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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