my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
