I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
