We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
