i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
