alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
