I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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