I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
