he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
