i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
