I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
