Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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