you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
