Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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