the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
