***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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