In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
