2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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