so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
