Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
