But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
