I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize