I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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