I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
