I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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