Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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