i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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