My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
