if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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