conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
