I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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