What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
