It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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