I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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